Marketing for INDEFINITE was lukewarm at best. The campaign included basic social media posts on Facebook and a weak email to friends and family. We should’ve cranked it up.
This post rips apart and amps up the lone promo email.
Read The First (Only) Promo Email
Rip Apart and Sharpen The Promo Email
Hello, [Too formal for an action film.]
What’s up, gritty warriors,
The time has come for another film of mine to show in a festival. This time it is a premiere and screened locally in Milwaukee. [Tooooo many unnecessary words.]
Time to unleash another film beast at the fest.
“INDEFINITE” will be in the Milwaukee Short Film Festival.
My film, INDEFINITE, is set to blitz the Milwaukee Short Film Festival. [Amp up the excitement.]
Friday
October 29, 2010
7:00 p.m. [Too many lines stacked.]
Friday – October 29, 2010 – 7:00 p.m. [Easier to digest.]
Milwaukee Art Museum in the Lubar Auditorium
Screening at the Milwaukee Art Museum in the Lubar Auditorium [Less bold text helps highlight the date and time.]
Tickets are only $10.
Purchase tickets for a crisp $10: TICKETS [Give a clear direction and a ticket link.]
(p.s. This link no longer works.)
Be sure to purchase the 7:00 p.m. time-slot which includes “INDEFINITE”. [Junk.]
Of course if you are interested purchase other tickets for other shows for the festival from the website. [Cut–This distracts from the core message to see INDEFINITE.]
Tickets can be purchased online at the Milwaukee Independent Film Society website:
http://festival.milwaukeeindependentfilmsociety.org/milwaukee-short-film-festival [The long url is cumbersome.]
Film description:
INDEFINITE film synopsis: [Better wording.]
“INDEFINITE” shows the battle over the mysterious orange vials between Jonas (Joe Fransee) and Otto (R. Michael Gull) with his crew.
“INDEFINITE” ignites an intense showdown over the cryptic orange vials, pitting Jonas (Joe Fransee) against Otto (R. Michael Gull) and his crew of street brawlers. [Add sizzle when describing the storyline.]
Caught in-between is Jonas’ girlfriend Amber (Emily Margaret Heitzer) whom pays a brutal price for his actions. [Clunky. Grammar error.]
Stuck in the crossfire is Jonas’ girlfriend Amber (Emily Margaret Heitzer) who pays a brutal price. [Easier to read.]
Out of the melee a new contender rises, the “Man in the Mask”, to battle for the power of the vials.
Out of the melee a new contender rises to battle for the power of the vials—”The Man in the Mask”. [Highlight “The Man in the Mask” by placing it at the end.]
Otto must regain the vials to protect himself before the evil J-Corp empire finds him. [Excess.]
Details: [Cut.]
INDEFINITE rips onto the screen at 7:00 p.m. on October 29, 2010. [Remind the reader about the start time and date.]
“INDEFINITE” is a 20 minute short being shown with a collection of shorts on October 29, 2010 as a part of the Milwaukee Short Film Festival. The group of shorts will start at 7:00 p.m at the Lubar Auditorium in the Milwaukee Art Museum. [Excess.]
Score tickets for $10 TICKETS at the Milwaukee Short Film Festival. [Remind the reader what action to take.]
Thanks,[Bland.]
Amped to see you there! [Leave the reader feeling appreciated.]
Jason
Explore the film INDEFINITE at indefinitemovie.com. [The movie site link is below the signature to not distract from the goal of selling tickets.]
Three Kickass Upgrade Results
- Pack a punch to take action.➜ Purchase tickets.
- Easier to read–more white space.
- Exciting-the words hit harder.
Read The Revamped Promo Email
Extra Details On The Movie Premiere Marketing
- Only blasted one email promo when two more to friends and family would have helped.
- The movie had zero email list subscribers.
- The movie’s website was neglected without regular content updates.